Know the warning signs of a potentially abusive intimate partner or spouse

Romantic partners and married couples argue from time to time. Maybe each person envisions the future of the relationship differently. Perhaps they bicker about household finances, child rearing or intrusive family members. The pair might not even communicate for a few days until their hot tempers and intense emotions have cooled off sufficiently for them to act in a civil, respectful manner again.

All that behavior is pretty normal. But when ordinary spats between couples or spouses escalate into abusive conduct or violence, danger is the result. Sometimes there aren’t even any specific triggering events. Statistics on domestic violence — which is defined as “physical violence, sexual violence, threats, and emotional abuse” — in California are deeply troubling. According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV), “there were 166,890 domestic violence-related calls to law enforcement” in 2018 in California. That sobering number does not reflect all the incidents that were never reported to police.

Behavior that may be a precursor to domestic violence

There are just some of the characteristic warning signs to watch out for that may indicate that your partner or spouse could be capable of domestic violence. You should be aware of these red flags:

• Your significant other ignores or overrides your opinions or feelings.
• You are being controlled or monitored constantly.
• Your partner doesn’t have relationships or socialize with other people besides you.
• You always feel as though innocent things you do or say might set the other person off.
• Your partner has an explosive temper and is extremely jealous.
• You are afraid to end the relationship.
• Your partner humiliates or insults you.

If you believe that you are a victim of domestic violence, you may want to reach out to police, an organization such as the NCADV or an attorney experienced in domestic violence cases.