FAQ: Relating to your ex after divorce

If you and your ex have children, you’re always going to have a relationship to some degree. You have to be co-parents for your children and you have to put the children first. You can’t just walk away from the relationship the way that you could if it ended without children.

To help you address this, here are some frequently asked questions that shed light on how people tend to get along after divorce. Every situation is unique, of course, but this can help you know how to proceed.

Do you need to cooperate?

Cooperation is vital. It is clear that co-parents definitely need to understand how to cooperate and even defer to one another. Don’t spend all of your energy always trying to “win” against your ex. Instead, put the children first and be willing to compromise or collaborate with your ex in a way that makes their life better.

How much time should you spend together?

In some cases, there are stories of couples spending a significant amount of time together and even going on family vacations. This can be very good for the children if they enjoy seeing both parents and having those experiences. It is not advisable for everyone, however, as you definitely need to be able to get along in a way that a lot of divorced couples simply find too difficult. And there is nothing wrong with understanding that and knowing how to set proper boundaries.

Should you go to joint events?

Ideally, you and your co-parent will be able to go to your children’s events jointly. You can go to things like a graduation ceremony or a football game or a drama club production. You’re also going to need to talk about things like birthday parties, Christmas celebrations and other events that both parents would generally be present for. You’re not obligated to do these things together, but some parents choose to as a way to provide a fun and healthy experience for their children.

These are just a few things to address in your parenting plan, and you can see why it’s so important to understand all of your legal options as you do so.